35 Years of Life, 60 Minutes of Recording, and a Total Brain Fog
- Desislava Todorova
- Apr 8
- 3 min read
The red light goes on. The host, Marlon, says, "Tell us a bit about yourself."
In my head, I was ready. I had my structure, my research, and 30 years of lived experience lined up like books on a shelf. But the second we hit record? Everything vanished.
Last Thursday was my first time being a guest on a podcast, and I’ll be honest: it was a lot harder than I expected. It felt like my vocabulary evaporated. Under the pressure of not wanting to say something "wrong" or "stupid," I felt like I said everything and nothing all at once.
If you’ve ever had a brilliant argument in the shower only to stumble over your words when they actually mattered, you know exactly how I felt. (I promise, I’m much better in person!)
But as I walked away, that "brain fog" led me to a much deeper realisation about how I present myself to the world—and why that one simple question is so terrifying.
"What Do You Do?"
I’ve always found it hard to introduce myself. Usually, a name and a job title are enough for most people.
The easy part: My name is Desislava Todorova. I’m originally from Bulgaria, and I moved to the UK five years ago.
The hard part: What do I do?
Depending on the day, I am a photographer. A carpenter. A prop maker. A writer. A filmmaker. An ADHD coach.
Society wants me to pick one. People want a neat little label so they can fit me into a "box" that makes sense to them. They want to know where I shine the most, but the truth is, I am equally good (and equally bad) in all of them.
There is no "ceiling" for these fields because every project requires a different approach and learning on the go. People say I should bet on the one that brings in the money—but they all do, just not always at the same time.
The "Chaos"
To an outsider, my resume looks like a pile of chaos. But to me, it’s an ecosystem.
My carpentry supports my prop making.
My photography improves my filmmaking.
My ADHD drives my coaching.
I’ve realised that trying to make myself "digestible" for other people actually takes away from my skills. Why should I diminish my knowledge just to make someone else comfortable?
The Internal War (and the Mask)
I live in a constant internal war, and I am sure many other neurodivergent people do, too. On the podcast, we talked about masking—that exhausting effort to behave "normally" just to fit in.
Do we have to shrink ourselves to fit in, or does society have to expand to accept us for who we are?
I have the energy of three people when I’m working on something I care about. I have zero tolerance for BS or wasting time on things I don't believe in. I choose my battles carefully, and once I’ve chosen one, I make it work—no matter what.
Why the Podcast Was a Win
Maybe the reason I struggled on the podcast wasn't that I didn't have the words. Maybe it was because I was not sure which side of myself to shine the light on, and it’s impossible to summarise this amount of chaos in a single session. We didn't even scratch the surface of all there is to talk about.
In the episode, I actually show my physical systems—my clipboard, my highlighting, my "pockets" for different projects. Seeing those tools on camera made me realise: I don't need a label. I need a prompt that can explain my many labels.
If you want to hear me navigate that chaos in real-time—brain fog, vocabulary gaps, and all—you can check out the full episode here:
I didn't fit into a box, and maybe that’s the most honest introduction I could have given.
I’d love to hear from you: Do you struggle with the "What do you do?" question? Do you feel the pressure to pick just one thing? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
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